Happy New Year, Three Weeks In

Among my many bad habits is avoidance. In fact, inaction is probably my greatest weakness.

When I screw up, I feel bad about it, so I avoid the related situation. Eventually, the avoidance can build into a big problem. If it involves reaching out to someone, then the social situation gets more awkward with each postponement. If it involves a chore, then the work required builds until a manageable task gets complicated.

I do not do this for everything and I try to catch myself, but there are times I feel overwhelmed and I let the problem get out of control, particularly if it includes components I just do not know how to handle... particularly social or embarrassing ones.

I have been avoiding posting, because I am still trying to figure out how to move forward with creating and sharing comics and art.

Deer Me has been on hiatus for literally years now. This is not out of lack of interest on my part. I sincerely have more story ideas I genuinely want to create. In fact, I have so many concepts that they overwhelm me; I have previously written about my need for a "Crazy Wall." Last November, I resolved to get existing concepts sorted and written. I did establish a good-if-rough chronology, but not write much. Rather than focus on the success of making a semblance of a timeline, I focused on my failure to write actual chapter scripts.

Focusing on the negative rather than the positive is another big weakness of mine.

Sharpclaw has been progressing ridiculously slowly. In truth, I genuinely stopped enjoying drawing. I did not want to draw. I did not want to want to draw. I am not sure how many levels removed I got, but I think I hit bottom with "I want to want to want to draw."

Yes, I said "hit bottom." Four days ago, I started sketching the current work-in-progress Sharpclaw comic (that I meant to finish and post today, but more griping later) and felt something I had not felt in months. Elated, I sent this to Hubby:

"Happy news!

I actually felt joy in drawing tonight! I did not work for long and did not start until late, but I actually want to continue. And I actually found myself enjoying what I was doing.

Drawing has been strictly a chore lately. I know I often despair about not getting back into it when it has been a while, but to not even enjoy the act at all... Oof. I was happy to finish the page I finished last week, but I did not enjoy doing it.

This time, I actually want to get back to what I was doing, not out of a sense of 'should,' but genuine want."

It was shocking to realize how long I had ceased enjoying what is my life's passion, but exciting to feel that delight again.

But the work does still need doing.

If you are like me, then you are weary of my oft-repeated statements of, "Comics are coming! Deer Me is not dead! The next Sharpclaw page is coming soon!" These assurances are sincere and heartfelt, but feel empty with lack of fulfillment. I feel that way, anyway, and I am the one making them; I am the one who knows what is happening!

As a consumer of entertainment myself, I have mixed feelings about confession-explanations like this one. I generally find them annoying and would prefer some cute "on hiatus" image, but understand that sometimes it is reassuring to know that the creator genuinely does still want to continue the work. I have seen many, many projects abandoned over the years without even an acknowledgment from the creators, who either disappear entirely or move onto other projects (that often also get abandoned).

If you find this kind of announcement annoying, then I apologize and thank you for getting all the way through it. If you find this kind of announcement helpful, then I apologize that you had to wait so long for it and thank you for your patience.

The Important Part: What Now?

Honestly, I am not sure what now. Obviously, I want to write more scripts. I want to draw more comic pages. I want to draw non-comic art. So, those are all "what now," but establishing a production routine and publishing schedule that works... I do not know the details yet.

I still like my recent idea of sharing sketches that can be voted on for "complete this next," but am still figuring out how to do that. You probably know by now that I am terrible at social media. I also have other issues that conflict with creativity, but everyone has those problems and has to find solutions; I need to figure out mine.

That does not give you anything to expect, for which I apologize. While my top hope is to just get back to creating and posting comic pages and art, I shall try to at least provide better insights as to how things are going. Share ideas if you have them.

Thank you for your patience, and happy 2025.

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Category: Deer Me Comic

Chapter: Update